Let's talk about routines. Over the years, I've worked with hundreds of families, and what I've noticed makes the biggest impact is when everyone is clear on the routine and when it's consistent and predictable. When the kids know what's happening next, when you know what's happening next, that is the biggest way to shift everybody's state and help everyone's nervous system feel supported.
So. It is up to you whether you focus first on the morning routine or first on the evening routine. Whatever is most pressing in your house or whatever is easiest, is totally fine. I wouldn't necessarily try tackling all of it at once because you potentially setting yourself up to fail, if particularly in the first few days, because the first few days are the hardest for setting any routine and.
Sometimes school holidays are the best time to set routines, and other times they're the worst time to set routines. And so it really depends on your relationship with routine and how much you value it and need it and like it versus how much how unsupportive routine is for you. What I've tend to fi find over the years is that some people say that they hate.
Routine and they prefer to go with the flow and all of those things. Oftentimes it's not so much that we hate the routine. 'cause as humans, we're creatures of habit and we're hardwired to to loosely go through the same things every day because our brains the neural pathways in our brain are obviously strengthened for the things that we do the most of.
And every time. We do an activity or a task throughout the day, it's a choice. And for adults, we make about 30,000 choices in the day. And for kids, they make about 300. And the way that we get to being able to make 30,000 choices throughout the day is by those choices not being necessarily conscious choices, but more subconscious habits.
So we don't consciously think about what shoe we put on each morning. We just. Probably put the same shoe on every day, though I think you stop to think about it. Which sock do you put on first? Which which leg do you put through the hole of your pants first? It'd be the same every day. And those subconscious choices that we are making allow us and freeze up the cognitive space in our brains for us to then.
Have the capacity to make more conscious choices, such as, what am I gonna have for lunch? Or what, how am I gonna solve this particular problem that I'm facing? And those choices get so much easier to solve if we have. Good habits in place. And so one of the best things we can instill in our kids is this sense of routine to give them these habits that are consistent every day so they become part of their subconscious programming so that they don't have to give conscious thought and effort to those things.
So whether you're starting in the morning or the afternoon or the evening is irrelevant, you choose wherever works best for you. But if we just go. Throughout the day that way in terms of what sort of things can constitute good habits, and I'll just run through the things that I think are most important.
Number one is a consistent bedtime and wake up time. Anytime our sleep time differs any more than 15 minutes, but certainly more than an hour, it starts to feel like it's having a like a jet lag effect on our brain and we can be irritable and grumpy and tired or a bit hyperactive because we are not.
Our brain gets hardwired into the time we fall asleep and the time we wake up. So trying to get our kids to sleep, certainly within the an hour of like the general time. So around eight o'clock, around eight 30 and then not differing too far. The side of that is a really great way after three to three nights of that consistency for their.
Their brain to get adjusted to this as our pattern. This is a routine, and then their body will start to naturally wake in accordance with those cycles. But if they're going to bed at half past seven one night, then half past nine the next night, and they're waking up at 6:00 AM one day, and then 8:00 AM the next day, they're not able to develop.
That good circadian rhythm, for their for their sleep wake cycle. And it becomes just that little bit harder then for them to start to establish habit habits because there's a more significant cognitive component to, to their body clock, adjusting constantly to those changes. So firstly, we want our, ourselves and our kids to be waking up at a consistent time each day.
And then we wanna have like a pretty consistent approach to the mornings. I'm definitely a big believer in no screens in the mornings. The difference that I've seen and the report, the reported difference from teachers, for kids that haven't had any screen time in the mornings, particularly just the TV with the news on any, anything like that is.
Enormous. And so if your kids are used to watching TV in the morning, if like at a bare minimum, if it goes on after they're ready for school or kinder, whatever it is, or ideally if they, if you move that time to the afternoon for when they're getting home from school or kinder definitely lead to our, the nervous, their nervous system.
Your nervous system being more settled and calm. And that's gonna lead to better outcomes for everybody through the day. So those first. That first sort of hour in the day. If you can get natural light into the house, if you can get natural light into their bodies and outside time, nature, time, all of that is really bene been really beneficial for our brains and our eyes.
First thing in the morning, but even something like just getting in the shower or having a warmth. A nice warm cuddle. Either of those things are really powerful. It's more around the consistency of trying to keep it much the same every day, which for shift workers can be a bit of a challenge. But even then, just getting into your routine around.
When you're on a certain shift, this is your flow. And that just makes such a big, takes a big cognitive weight off the decision making of what I'm gonna do next. And we often underestimate how powerful that is for our kids. So, it might be something as simple as they hop up, they get dressed, they have breakfast they brush their teeth and put their shoes on.
They go outside. Or they pack the bag, how are you? Add as many steps as you need to. Having those steps written down, having visuals to support them is all beneficial, particularly as they're learning and they're establishing those skills. We've, for our kids, their, our boys are eight and 10. We just have it written up on the back of the wall in their bedroom as that prompt when I get outta bed, get dressed.
And ideally they don't leave their bedroom until they are dressed. And I would say 99% of the time, that's true for them now. And even for our 4-year-old, she just gets up and gets dressed. It's the first thing she does in the morning. And that's just part of that habit that's instilled in her about knowing what's happening next.
And so. From there when you then are looking at getting the kids to school, sorts of things like that, there are some things that are some considerations that definitely help from a regulation point of view. Like I said earlier, baths and showers, things like that in the morning, whilst they can take extra time, are definitely really supportive of the nervous system.
And so they can really help with, waking kids up and getting them ready for the day. Movement in the morning is really powerful. Whether it's jumping on the trampoline, going for a run, getting in the gym, whatever you might do yourself is important. But opportunities for the kids to get their body moving, particularly huffing and puffing.
Really powerful for getting their body ready for the day. But also we possibly underestimate the power of. Having a snuggle, whether they're climbing into your bed and having a snuggle whether you are laying down with them for a few minutes before they get up whether you're just having, giving them a hug when they first wake up and you're standing in the kitchen and just giving them a big bear hug, or you're sitting on the couch and doing the readers with them first thing in the morning, whatever fits within your routine.
Oftentimes the feedback that I get from families is that the mornings are so rushed and we don't have time, and everyone's so busy da. What we have found to be true though is that when we take time to prioritize some of these regulation things that everyone's nervous system settles and the morning's actually faster and calmer because people can execute on all of those sort of cognitive tasks that they have to get done before they head out the door in a far more organized fashion.
Because their nervous system's supported and their body's feeling calm. So taking that extra five or 10 minutes that might mean you start your day a little bit later, will often mean that you are not having the rush and the crazy and et cetera. As you're heading out the door. Some other things that definitely help with the morning going smoothly is how you set yourself up in the evening and how the kids learn how to set themselves up in the evening.
Remember, there's so many opportunities where we could be doing so many things for our kids. I guess this to me comes back to that whole good enough model of parenting too, is that I very deliberately don't do too much for my kids because I feel like there's so many teaching moments and opportunities for them to be developing really important life skills from a really early age when they start to get themselves organized.
And so, my, my husband's probably a classic example. That he likes to be organized before he goes to bed at night. He likes if he's going to the gym to have his gym clothes out. So he is not waking up the house and it's easier for him to get up and get ready before he goes. If if he's in charge of breakfast in the morning, which he is most mornings, he likes to have what he needs to make sure that it's all out and ready.
He'll have the plates out and all of the things that he needs that's appropriate to be out, ready on the bench and ready to go. The same. With the lunchboxes and things getting the kids involved in the routine when they're ready. Obviously you don't wanna be adding all of these things at once, but getting them involved in the routine of getting their clothes out the night before, you can start that from as young age as two, to get in the habit of practicing those and working out where they're gonna put them.
So that when they get outta bed, that's one less choice they have to make in the morning as they're just grabbing the things and they're putting them on when they're old enough and ready enough involving them in making their own breakfast, involving them in making their own lunches and giving them that sense.
When we give kids. The sense of contribution to the household and that sense that they're a real valued member of the house and that they start to have some responsibilities. There's always gonna be some kickback, and particularly at the start and the end of a term when they're tired. And there's gonna be times where you just need to step in and do it for them's or do more for them than you normally would.
And I think doing that without creating too much of a fuss. Is sometimes really important to cut them some slack and the fact that there are gonna be times, even towards the end of the week where they are gonna be tired and it's gonna be harder to get them to do some of those things. And it's it's incredibly supportive when they can see that you, you are willing to get in and support them when they're tired or when they're having a hard day.
I think that definitely builds a real trust relationship with them rather than that. That approach that we tend to take with the pressure of, come on, you know how to do this get on with it, rah. And well definitely there's a place for that sometimes too. But but reading the play a little bit is important.
You guys know your kids better than anyone. When they're overti, when they're a bit stretched, you know what's gonna get the best out of them. And so not. Berating yourself for jumping in and helping out with something, even though you know that they know how to do it themselves.
Sometimes that's just supportive. It's not overcompensating. You're not a bad parent for not encouraging them to be more independent. You are reading the play, you are recognizing where they're at, and you are, you're providing them with support and that's fostering a secure attached relationship and that.
Sense of trust and loving connection that comes from that is gonna serve you both well. And over time, you'll see that they're gonna need less and less of you to step in and support because sometimes it's just enough for them to know that you would and that you could and that they then don't necessarily need you to.
But it's definitely that messy bit at the start while they're learning those skills that you don't wanna be adding too many skills at once. You don't want them to be learning how to get themself dressed. At the same time as they're learning them how to make themselves breakfast, let's like really applaud and celebrate the fact that they're consistently getting themselves dressed in the morning before they come out for breakfast.
And that then working on the breakfast piece maybe comes later or next, or maybe the working on the breakfast piece just happens in the school holidays. And then you can add it into the school routine once. Once the actual skill is acquired and they're good at it and they're enjoying it. So I guess yeah, giving consideration to how we stack on and layer on some of those habits to them to set them up for success is important.
And recognizing when it's okay to step back and, and support, add that extra layer of support and not feel like just because your kid can tie their own shoe laces, but you're doing it for them occasionally, that's doesn't mean you failed. It doesn't mean they've failed. That just means you're really good at recognizing where they're at a given moment in time, and that you're providing them with that little bit of extra support that they're gonna be eternally grateful for.
In terms of evening routines now, I think, the piece that, to me, matters the most. It's less about the time, although like I said earlier, it's important to keep that peace in mind that not being o more than an hour either way on a bedtime, but it's the order in which you do the things that matters the most.
So, if you can get in the habit of, if it's shower story, bed, then. Keeping that consistent no matter what else is going on in your world? So if you've been out for dinner in or out to afternoon sport and you're getting home late and you're rushing, not skipping the shower, not skipping the book, because those are the triggers that, that, that help their brain wind down for sleep.
And so the more, oh, you don't need ne the. The don't underestimate the importance of having a series of wind down activities that are gonna be triggers for the brain to say, okay, we are getting ready for bed now, and you don't necessarily need a. A lot of them, it can literally just be shower book bed.
But you might find that when you're first introducing this in your family, you might need to dim the lights, you might need to turn the TV off and put some music on. Or you might go from dinner to t TV show one show not endless on repeat because that becomes really hard to exit them from to then.
Lights down music on shower time now, however you choose the order that works best for your family, but that just recognizing the power of the habit in helping us wind down and then keeping that as consistent as possible from day to day. And it might mean that some days. We can have a bath and it can go for 30 minutes, and other days it's a bath or a shower and it goes for 30 seconds.
That part doesn't matter as much as the ritual of moving through the habits in the same order. And so some nights you might be able to lay there and read five stories and other nights you might skim through one. But again, that notion that the kids are have got that trigger activity to help their body and brains wind down.
And the more consistent that you can be with that, and the more predictable they know that to be then the easier it's gonna be for their brains to adjust to that wind down piece. And so that's just really good sleep hygiene. And we've got some great information on our website and about sleep and the way, like we've got a beautiful book called Finley's Night Nighttime Adventures that.
Helps to build those habits and that sleep hygiene in the evening to get the brain and the body ready for bed. And there's a whole series of different natural remedies we can use to do that because so many of the kids that we live with that I work with that have trouble winding down to sleep at night.
And once what? What then happens is if they're having trouble going to sleep and staying asleep, then they're potentially gonna develop this chronic over tiredness that's gonna then impact on their ability to do all of the things during the day, they're gonna be more irritable, they're going to have attention issues, behavior issues, emotional regulation issues, cause from the fact that they're having real poor quality sleep and.
So sometimes that needs to be the thing that we work on first. There's an element occasionally where we need to look at the impact that food might be having on sleep or that other medical things might be having on sleep. But the more we can get the quality of sleep piece right, then the better we are gonna better chance we're gonna have, having success with whatever other goals that we're working on through the daytime.
So, definitely check out our sleep res resources there. If sleep is an issue for your child. There's a whole series of medical things and other health related things that we potentially need to rule out before we just hone in on the sleep hygiene from a routines point of view. But yeah, some really valuable stuff there in our hub and on our website.
And I'll put together an episode on sleep and share it with you on another occasion. They're probably my top tips when it comes to setting up successful routines, making sure that our kids have enough outside time outside time, helps reduce their risk of being developing shortsightedness later in life and helps support the nervous system to regulate, particularly if they're outside with their bare feet on the ground.
Any opportunities to be out? Outdoors and in nature is gonna help the nervous system to wind down and get and feel calmer. 'cause it's letting all of that excess electricity out of their body as well. And and anything opportunity to half and puff and move their bodies. Also gonna make sure that that one, they're getting a really good prolonged release of dopamine through the day and all of the other K.
Helpful chemicals that come with movement, but also that their bodies then exerted enough energy to support their brain to sleep and get good quality sleep at nighttime. And food definitely plays a part in the timing of when they're having their dinner and the kinds of foods that having at dinner to set them up for a great sleep as well.
But again, we might cover the food piece in another episode, so if you have any rec. Questions about routines. If you wanna do a deeper dive into this, definitely check out our website or our hub even some information on our app around routines that dives into a little bit more detail. Or yeah, just send us through some questions and we'd be happy to answer them for you.
Have a great day.
